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Childless Marriage: 4 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Strong | Safe and Sound

Children provide a bond and meaning to the family. But they are not the only factor in making a marriage last. A lasting marriage is a psychologically compatible relationship for the parents themselves.

Ngo Thanh Thien An | Psychologist - Safe and Sound mental health care application

Institute of Medical Technology Applications

1. What is a lasting marriage?

What is a lasting marriage? 

A lasting marriage is a relationship built on a solid psychological foundation, harmony and balance in terms of emotions, spirit and connection with each other. It is a relationship nurtured by understanding, empathy, respect and the effort to overcome challenges in life together. Without this stability, small conflicts can lead to tension and even breakup or divorce.

2. Causes of childless marriages.

There are many reasons why couples do not have children in marriage, and each reason is associated with certain psychological effects. Whatever the factor, not having children in the family requires challenges and maintaining the connection for both to build a lasting relationship.

2.1 Reproductive health issues

Problems such as low sperm quality, ovulation disorders or uterine-related diseases (such as endometriosis, uterine fibroids) are common reasons why couples have difficulty conceiving. These difficulties not only create biological barriers but also cause psychological stress as they face expectations from family and society.

Medical conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure or autoimmune diseases can affect the ability to conceive and have children, leaving couples feeling helpless or worried about the future of their family.

2.2 Effects of age

Age is an important factor affecting reproductive health in both men and women. For women, fertility often declines significantly from the age of 35 onwards, when the quantity and quality of eggs gradually decrease over time. This increases the risk of difficulty conceiving or miscarriage, causing great psychological pressure, especially when the couple feels "time is running out".

Although men remain fertile for longer, sperm quality declines with age. Issues such as stress, fatigue and general decline in health due to aging also contribute to difficulties in conceiving. The combination of age-related factors on both sides can create significant challenges, requiring understanding and mutual support, both physically and psychologically.

2.3 Fear of parental responsibility

Fear of parental responsibility

Many people fear that they are not capable of meeting the enormous responsibilities that come with raising children, from finances, time, to the care and education of their children. This often stems from high expectations from society, their family, or themselves.

Additionally, some people feel that having children will reduce their freedom and personal time. They worry that the presence of children may prevent them from pursuing their passions, careers, or other personal goals.

2.4 Concerns about parenting ability

Many people worry that they will not be good parents, especially if they themselves have experienced trauma or deprivation in their childhood. This fear can cause them to shy away from the idea of ​​having children.

These couples often feel that they lack knowledge or experience in childcare and are haunted by the prospect of not being able to meet their child's comprehensive development needs.

2.5 Personal choice

Nowadays, many couples, especially young ones, choose to focus on their careers and personal goals rather than having children. They want to achieve financial stability, status or personal achievement before thinking about parenthood. However, this decision sometimes causes psychological pressure, especially when faced with expectations from family and society.

Other couples prefer to maintain a free lifestyle, free from the responsibilities of raising children. They prioritize enjoying life, traveling or spending time on personal interests. This choice can lead to psychological conflicts if both parties do not agree or are criticized by traditional concepts.

2.6 Economic pressure

One of the biggest factors that causes many couples to delay or forego having children is financial pressure. The cost of raising children, including education, healthcare, food and other expenses, has become a huge burden for many families. Worrying about being able to meet these needs often causes psychological stress for both partners.

In the context of economic fluctuations, especially for young couples, facing unstable income. This leads to a feeling of insecurity and lack of confidence when thinking about having children. This economic pressure not only affects the decision but also negatively impacts the psychological state, making them feel tired and pressured.

Not having children in marriage comes from each couple's own circumstances and choices. However, whatever the reason, the most important thing is that both husband and wife have had time to openly discuss and agree on their views. When both can understand and agree on this decision, the relationship will not be affected by internal and external pressures. 

If couples have differences in desires and expectations, seeking reconciliation and support from a marriage and family therapist will be key to helping maintain their bond and build a lasting marriage.

3. Challenges for couples in childless marriages.

The challenges of couples in childless marriages.

Whatever the reason, a childless marriage can have its own unique meaning and challenges. Rather than seeing this as a hindrance, it can be an opportunity to build a relationship based on empathy, understanding, and a deeper connection.

3.1 Pressure from family and society 

Couples often face questions and expectations from family, friends and society. This makes them feel pressured and sometimes judged, unintentionally creating a psychological burden, especially when having to explain or defend their decisions.

3.2 Feelings of emptiness or lack

Some people feel that marriage lacks meaning without children. This feeling of emptiness can give rise to psychological problems such as sadness, loneliness or doubts about the future of the relationship.

3.3 Conflict of views in relationships

When one partner wants children and the other does not, these differences can easily lead to conflict. If not resolved, these conflicts can undermine bonding and harmony.

3.4 Being compared and feeling “left behind”

When friends or peers have children, childless couples often feel isolated or compared, which can have negative effects on their psychology and self-confidence.

4. How to keep a marriage lasting when there are no children.

Children can create a bond between the family, but they are not the “cure-all” to resolve marital tensions. A lasting marriage is not a story of perfection, but a journey that both partners work together to build on a foundation of understanding and companionship through the following four factors:

4.1 Open discussion about psychology 

For some people, not having children can bring a sense of emptiness or hidden pressure in their daily lives, even if they have agreed with their partner on this point of view. Psychologists share that when couples take the time to talk openly about their worries or desires together, it is the first step to relieve psychological stress, help couples understand each other better and avoid unnecessary stress.

4.2 Spend quality time together

Not having children can be an opportunity for couples to focus more on their relationship. Psychologists encourage couples without children to spend more time doing things they both enjoy, such as learning a new skill together, enjoying dinner together, or taking a dance class. Creating new events and activities will help both of you focus more on each other.

4.3 Building common meaning in the relationship

Instead of considering children as the center of marriage, marriage psychologists suggest that couples create common goals and values ​​together, such as developing a career together, doing charity projects together or realizing the dream of starting a small business at home together, etc. Couples can also build special memories and meanings together through trips to explore new lands, helping to strengthen relationships and sustainable psychology.

4.4 Connecting communities and building social circles

Not having children in a marriage can sometimes make couples feel isolated or disconnected from others. However, participating in community activities such as charity or classes together can also bring meaning to a childless marriage. In addition, interacting with other childless couples is also a way for people to share experiences, understand and support each other better. This helps couples feel more sympathetic, reducing feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Marriage is not just love, it requires patience, effort, especially understanding the psychology of the other person. If you are having problems in your marriage, the long-term companionship of a psychologist will help you learn how to communicate, share and empathize, so that marriage is not only a responsibility but also a source of happiness and great motivation for both of you to strive together.

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: Childless Marriage: 4 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Strong | Safe and Sound